Bittersweet
by purlz
Summary: My body racked with anger that I didn’t know even know was in me. Angry, huh? That’s pretty rare for me. I never thought I’d ever be this angry, not like this, and especially not at my best friend. Yet, here I was, angry at you. NanoFate.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own MGLN or its characters.

**Bittersweet**

My body racked with anger that I didn't know even know was in me. Angry, huh? That's pretty rare for me. I never thought I'd ever be _this _angry, not like this, and especially not at my best friend.

Yet, here I was, angry at _you_.

"Why have you been avoiding me this past week?!" I almost spat out the words. You stepped back, stunned. I admit that came out a little stronger than I intended.

"I wasn't… avoiding… I can't tell you… I'm… sorry," you said without even meeting my gaze.

Look at me. Please. _Please._

"Please understand, Nanoha."

Was that all you're giving me, Fate? How was I supposed to wrap my head around that? How was I supposed to understand?

I felt something stuck at my throat. My face was becoming warm and my eyes were beginning to sting from the salt.

I grabbed your hand. "Tell me, please." I heard the pleading in my voice. Did you?

You glanced at your watch and started to pull away. "I really need to go now. The others are wait--"

Snap. I lost it then.

"What? Who's waiting for you? Arisa? Suzuka? Hayate??" It took effort to breathe now. Despairing thoughts were messing with my head. "You'd rather spend your time with them than with me?!? Don't you, FATE?!"

Then, I ran.

Honestly, I was afraid, very afraid that you would say 'yes'. I didn't wait for your answer. I didn't want to hear it. So, I ran away. I'm not sure if you called out to me or even tried to stop me. Everything just seemed to wash out and I just kept running.

I wouldn't be able to handle it if you told me that you've grown tired of me. That you didn't want to be my best friend anymore, that you _hated_ spending time with me. It was scary, how you held so much power over me.

Was I possessive? I didn't want to be possessive.

I hated this feeling.

Don't… please don't make me the _outsider_ again.

.

.

.

My legs finally buckled and I somehow ended up in a deserted playground. I felt my heart thrashing. I was gasping for air now, it hurt to breathe.

Too tired from my emotional outburst, I slumped on the nearby swing. I clutched the chains just a little harder, digging my nails deep to my flesh. I wanted to concentrate on the immediate physical pain, if only to keep my thoughts away from you just a little while longer.

The sobbing wouldn't stop and I cried and I cried till my lungs gave out and I was heaving into my breaths. I must've looked really ugly then, but I felt uglier. I balled in my seat, my arms around my head while events from the past week came flooding to my consciousness, unsolicited, unbidden, _unwelcome_.

"_Let's go home, Fate-chan!"_

"_You go on ahead. I need to buy something at the department store."_

"_Oh… Then, I'll go with you!"_

"_No… no… You don't have to, Arisa and Suzuka will be coming with me. So, I'll just see you tomorrow. Bye!"_

Didn't we always go shopping together?

.

.

"_I need to run some errands. I'll be heading off first."_

I saw you that day at the mall with Hayate.

.

.

"_Hello? Fate-chan?"_

"_Hi, Nanoha."_

"_Hey! Tomorrow, we got the half-day off, right? I want to go try out that new café, let's go there after school?"_

"_Can I get a rain check on that? My afternoon is booked."_

It wasn't funny that all of you had plans that afternoon.

.

.

"_I completely forgot we agreed to go shopping yesterday. I… uh… was busy with something. Forgive me, please?" _

I forgave you too, because you used those sad puppy eyes on me.

.

.

"_Fate-chan, want to have lunch outside under the tree? The weather is really nice."_

"_Ahh… sorry, Nanoha, I have to go somewhere with Hayate. Next time, okay?" _

I even made lunch for us that day.

.

.

"_Fate-chan, can you accompany me to the library after school? I need to—"_

"_I'm meeting Chrono today, so I really can't. Why don't I tell Hayate to go with you?"_

"_No, no, you don't have to tell Hayate. It's fine."_

"_You sure?"_

"_Yeah, I just need to return something. Say 'hi' to Chrono for me, okay?"_

Didn't you meet with Chrono the other day too?

.

.

"_Arisa, did Fate-chan go home already?"_

"_Yeah, she said she had something important to do."_

"_Oh… I see. Thanks."_

_._

_._

"_Why didn't you guys tell me you were at to the library? I was wondering where you were."_

"_Really? I thought we did, right?"_

"_Arisa, you forgot to tell her, right? Right?"_

"_What? Me? Ahh… yeah… that's it! I forgot! Sorry, Nanoha. Anyway, we're done here now. Let's go to the cafeteria, I'm hungry."_

I felt my presence was unwanted then.

.

.

.

The constant ringing of my mobile phone broke my crying spell. It was Fate. Immediately, I turned off my phone. How _very mature_ of me. I seemed to have finally calmed down, at least enough to make sarcastic remarks.

I decided to head home before my parents started to worry. I already had enough problems as it is.

.

.

.

When I got home, I went straight to my room. I took a long shower and told my mom that I didn't feel like eating dinner. My stomach wouldn't be able to hold down anything and I felt worn out. Crying is hard work.

A knock came from the door. It was my mom and she invited herself in.

"Nanoha? What's wrong, honey? I brought you some food. Aren't you hungry?"

I sat up and looked at my mother. She seemed concerned.

"Fate-chan called and asked how you were. She said you weren't answering her calls and she was worried. I guess you two had a fight?"

"Yes," I admitted, "we did."

"I'm not going to interfere because it's something the two of you should be able to handle."

You'd be proud of me, mom. I did a fine job of _handling_ the situation.

"Fate-chan cares about you very much and whatever this is will come to pass, alright?"

"I don't think Fate-chan likes me anymore."

She chuckled. I can't believe she chuckled!

"Sweetie, at best, that was just massive brain fart on your part. Fate-chan loves you. She adores you! She does and that won't change any time soon." she reassured me. "So, tomorrow I want you to talk things out and make up with her, deal?" With that, she kissed my temple and then left me to ponder on my own.

Dropping back to my bed, I started thinking that I might have been monopolizing Fate-chan a bit. Okay, okay. I was monopolizing her _a lot_ and it wouldn't be surprising that, perhaps, she felt suffocated. Fine! I was probably choking her with so much attention.

After that little debate with myself, my eyes closed without my permission. Weariness from the day's event had finally caught up with me. My consciousness slowly slipped away.

I slept a dreamless sleep.

A/N:

I hope that wasn't too much angst. Feedbacks are always welcome.

In addition, yes, it's a two-chapter story so rest easy.

edit: Thanks to FlamesToAshes for pointing out some lines that needed correction. I need a beta! :D


	2. Chapter 2

My body swayed lightly as if someone was nudging me. It was soothing somehow, like rocking a baby to sleep.

"_Nanoha…"_ My eyes opened slightly, I saw a figure hovering over me, long hair cascading towards me. I squinted, eyelashes fluttering. My mind was far too hazy for me to make out who it was, so my eyes closed willingly.

"_Nanoha…" _the voice kept calling. It seemed so distant, but calmingly familiar at the same time.

"_Nanoha…"_

I gave in to the tender coaxing. I opened my eyes.

What greeted me was her angelic face, so close to mine; wearing the loveliest smile I've seen in a long time, even her eyes were smiling. I felt strangely compelled to trace her features with my fingertips, but I hesitated.

It was puzzling how I was silently seeking for permission, when it shouldn't matter, not in a dream, anyway.

_Yes, this was just a dream._

I was mildly bothered though, I didn't think I missed her _that_ much that I could conjure up such a wonderful illusion of her. It was almost as if I could—

_Wait._

—touch her.

_Wait._

I was touching her!

My eyes shot wide open and my lungs forced a gasp. The cogs in my brain scrambled to life.

_This was not a dream! _

"Are you _really_ awake now?" she asked with just a tint of amusement and still with that dizzying smile. A drop of cold sweat trickled down my face.

"Fa—Fate-chan?! Wh—what—are you doing here?" I shrieked. That came out coherent, surprisingly, considering the current pathetic state of my brain. No thanks to Fate-chan's dazzling—

"See for yourself," she whispered.

_See? See what for myself? Huh? _

In that instant, she moved away, _my_ beautiful distraction no longer obstructing my view.

I sat up.

Then, I froze.

I felt my heart leap from my chest only to slam back down with such a force.

Briefly, I even forgot how to breathe.

It was surreal.

The colors were dancing. Sunlight shined through the numerous floating satiny pink and purple orbs, bathing my room in a soft shade of rose and lavender. Several swirling pastel-colored ribbons and a single longer white string graced each of its neck. Attached along the tails of each string were an uneven number of, what looked to be were, envelopes; each in varying size, shape, and color.

It was a sea of balloons—_in my room._

_Unbelievable._

I didn't get it. It just wouldn't register.

_Why? How? When did they?_

My mind just shot question after question without the relief of answers.

I gaped at the girl beside me, my eyes begging for an explanation. She was gesturing something while looking at the direction of my door.

She glanced back at me with this childlike glee. She opened her mouth and then—

—the singing began.

Several other voices chimed in, voices that surrounded my daily life.

_Wait._

_Fate wasn't alone?!_

Slowly, people started to march in, clapping their hands to the melody. First was my family: my parents, my sister, my brother. I suddenly found it hard to breathe, as if my chest was constricting.

The singing continued.

Arisa and Suzuka strolled in, strung behind them were Signum, Vita, and Shamal. Even puppies, Arf and Zafira, made a showing.

I felt my lower lip quiver, my breathing hitched.

I heard several pops. Confetti rained as tears were starting to obscure my vision.

The song ended with a large applause. Hayate then came into view, carrying a large rectangular two-tier cake. On top was a porcelain statuette of a girl dressed in an elegant white sundress. A pair of brightly colored butterfly wings, with intricately hand painted designs, adorned her back. Her posture made it appear as though she was poised to take flight. In contrast, the cake was a striking image of deep pink; hundreds upon hundreds of tiny rose-shaped frostings covered it in its entirety. The little winged beauty was in her own private wonderland.

I suddenly felt weak.

"What are you waiting for? It's time to blow the candles!" Hayate ordered.

My gaze naturally fell to the glowing candles lined neatly on the lower tier.

"Right…" I seemed to understand.

I lifted my eyes briefly, scanning everyone's faces. They were all in smiles, obvious delight in their expressions and they were all staring back at me.

I inhaled deeply, straining to compose myself. With the last of my will power, I managed to blow out all the candles.

_Uh oh._

That did it.

I could no longer hold back the tears. They poured freely, abundantly, _uncontrollably_. I just couldn't contain all these stirring emotions inside of me. They spilled over.

"Th… tha… nk… you… gu..ys…" I managed to say in between sobs while feverishly wiping the tears with my palms. "I… I… do..don't… you… didn't... ha… have… to—"

"But we did. We wanted to." Fate answered sweetly.

_Ah, that didn't help one bit, Fate-chan! _Those kind words just made me cry even more.

I was choking—_choking at my own happiness._

Sensing that I wasn't going to let up anytime soon, my dad moved to action. He whisked the crowd away to the kitchen, offering them coffee and food. All of them left, except for—

"Fate-chan."

"Hey," she simply uttered while giving me her handkerchief. "Mind if I sit with you?"

I gratefully took the offered hanky. As I wiped my tears, I shifted a bit to make some room. She sat on the empty space and leaned her back against the headboard. Once settled, I rested my head on her shoulder and we sat there in comfortable silence. Instantly, I felt calmer.

She spoke first.

"Are you happy?" Her voice was hopeful.  
"Are you crazy?" I shot back.  
"Nanoha…" she pretended to whine.

"So… are you angry?"  
"For what?" I said in feigned annoyance. "For making me deliriously happy? Of course!"

We both laughed.

"So, tell me. Whose idea was this?" I asked as I hugged her arm.  
"Everyone's!" she answered too quickly.  
"I don't believe you," I huffed. I tightened my hold on her, letting her know I meant business.

"Tell me?" I urged. "_Please_, Fate-chan?"  
"It shouldn't matter, right?"  
"It matters to me," I insisted. "You're not getting away until you tell me."

She was contemplating. I smelled victory.

I moved in for the kill. "You know? I cried _all night_ because of you," I whimpered.

She tensed. I hid a smirk.

"Mou," she exasperated. "That's unfair, Nanoha," she accused with a pout.

She was _so_ cute; it was criminal.

"Tell me the truth then, as penance."

There was only hushed silence.

"Whose idea was it?" I pressed.  
She mumbled something inaudible.  
"I can't hear you."

Conceding defeat, she finally admitted, "It was mine."  
"But everybody pitched in! I just really wanted to do something special for you," she hastily added.

My heart skipped at the revelation. _Focus Nanoha! Focus!_

"The balloons?" I recovered.  
"My idea…" she trailed off.  
"Coming over my house to surprise me? What time is it, anyway?"  
"My idea," she hesitated, "and it's half past six."  
"It's still 6:30 in the morning?!? What time did you guys wake up?!?" I demanded to know.

She flinched. I sighed.

"Fine, I'll let that one go. How about the cake?"  
"I only wanted a normal cake! Promise!" she defended in panic. "When I told your family about the plan and asked if they could make the cake, they got _really_ excited. I guess they went a _little_ overboard?"  
"A little?" I repeated in disbelief. "That cake was crazy, Fate-chan! It probably took them a week to make that!"  
"Two, actually."  
"Fate-chan!!"  
"I'm just telling the truth like you wanted," she reminded me.

"It was quite a sight though, wasn't it?" her tone softened.  
"Yeah." Words simply failed to express how much I believed that.

"Mou…" I was rubbing my eyes, trying hard to suppress the tears that were threatening to overflow again.

"You guys really didn't have to go through all this trouble for me." I hunched up and brought my knees to my face, wrapping my arms around them.

"Nanoha?" she asked, alarmed.  
"Don't cry," she said, placing a hand on my back, rubbing it soothingly.  
"Don't cry, please," she begged.  
"I didn't let you _extort_ the truth from me just so you can cry again."

I laughed despite the tears.

"There you go," she let out, relieved.  
"Is the interrogation over? Am I free to go now, Officer Takamachi?" She sounded like she was about to escape.  
I grabbed her hand before she could do anything funny. "Not so fast."

"Just one more thing," I promised. "What are those?"

Gracefully, she moved to pluck the hanging packet I was pointing at and placed it gently before me. "That's a—"

"—letter?" I finished, figuring it out upon closer inspection. Then, it dawned on me.

_No way. No, that's impossible! Could it be?_

"You mean to say, _all_ of those… are letters? For me?" I questioned, eyes wide with shock and amazement.

She only beamed at my realization.

"But, there's so many of them, Fate-chan! Who are they from?!" I exclaimed, my voice bordering mild hysteria.

Fate drew closer, tucking a stray lock of hair away from my face and hummed, "You can find that out for yourself later, at your own pace. It'll be more special that way."

I could only stare at her eyes, mesmerized.

"I will say this though. All of them are handwritten, each and every one of them, even those that traveled several galaxies to get here."

Something clicked in my mind then, like a puzzle finally coming together. It all became very clear to me: the events of the past week, my friends seemingly having no time for me, the secret meetings, Fate-chan's behavior. It made sense. It made _perfect_ sense. Yet, I felt no relief, only regret.

I hung my head in shame, pressing my palms against my face in frustration. I tried not to think of what I did to her  
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" I sobbed.  
"What? What are you talking about?" she asked, confused.

"I… I doubted you… I doubted our friendship… Even though you went out of your way to do this for me, I doubted you."  
"I even said those stupid, _stupid_ things to you."  
"I just… I was so _afraid…_ I thought… I thought…"  
"I thought you hated me…"

She pulled me into a forceful embrace. She held me tightly, achingly, _lovingly_ that it spoke volumes of how much I was so wrong for thinking those things.  
"I could _never_ hate you," she whispered in my ear. Her voice sounded so earnest in its pain, it was heartbreaking.

"Please, don't _ever_ think that…"

"Because in my universe…" She held me so closely that her tears burned my cheeks.  
"Realize that you are at the center of it… always at the very heart of it…"  
"Because you, Nanoha, are the sun of my universe."

Those words moved me, and I cried. I cried for forgiveness. I cried for the pain, and I cried because, I could never understand what I did in this life, to deserve someone as wonderful as Fate.

She just held me for what seemed like a long time, until the tears stopped coming.

As if she knew exactly the moment I was ready to let go, she loosened her embrace. Before I could react, I felt something warm and soft touch upon my temple and as quick as it came, it left. Next thing I knew, Fate was halfway through the door about the leave, but not without telling me to join them soon after. She sent me quick wink, and then she was gone.

I sat there dazed.

I cupped my face.

It was scorching!

_That Fate-chan, kissing me so suddenly!_

The blush on my face was unmistakable, but I was already smiling at the memory.

_That Fate-chan, always doing these unexpected things._

Finally, I gathered myself and hopped off the bed. I sighed as I took in the dreamlike scene before me. I circled my room once, gliding my hands through the many floating letters _handwritten_ for me. I never felt happier or more special than I did that moment.

"This is how it feels like… to belong… to be accepted…"  
"This is how it feels to be _loved_…" I said, to no one in particular.

I turned Sweet 16 that day, and all the things that happened that led up to that, I could only describe as… _bittersweet_.

**-End-**

**A/N:**

Wow, that came out longer than I planned. I really hope you liked that and enjoyed it because I put in a lot of effort and care making it. It took me 8 times as much time to make this chapter as I did the last one.

There are some things I would like to discuss, so here I go:

* Letters – Handwritten letters, I think are very intimate things. It is personal and very unique. Just the thought of having someone sitting down and setting time to write something by their own hands is, I believe, already a beautiful thing in itself.

It's pretty rare to receive those nowadays, so to actually receive a lot in a day would be pretty overwhelming. I didn't quite emphasize the amount of effort it probably took to collect all those letters and greetings from the people Nanoha knew, but I imagined it would have been a colossal undertaking. Yes, Fate met up with Chrono to give out stationeries for the people over at Asura and TSAB and then later retrieving them from him. That's why she was meeting him often in the first chapter.

Where the letters came from? Well, they were from Nanoha's family, friends, schoolmates, teachers, the old woman in the cafeteria and from all sorts of people.

* Figurine – Initially, I went for a ballroom gown, but I scrapped that. I felt this rather simple sundress would be better (and easier to describe). Then, I added the wings to make it more identifiable with Nanoha's love for flight. Hayate had the figurine custom-made somewhere and she made the dress and painted the wings herself. Yeah, just in my mind.

* Cake – I don't know how to make cakes, but I wanted something that would really stand out. I just let my imagination run free for this one.

There's a whole lot of NanoFate fluff in there. I tell you, Nanoha could have died from diabetes with all the sweet things Fate said and did, but at least she would've died happy. I know some of you might be disappointed that there was no outright confession or kiss on the lips. I was actually mulling over those details for a long time, because it could have easily gone that way. In the end, I stuck to the original plan and kept it in a platonic(?) level. Although, the NanoFate in this fic is so obvious, so I hope that was more than enough. I hope you liked how evil Nanoha squeezed information from Fate.

Thank you for reading till the end and thank you for waiting. I was really happy to receive all the reviews for the first chapter, so I do hope you keep them coming. See you, hopefully, in future stories.

Feedbacks, I love them to death, so please do drop one.


End file.
